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How to pick yourself up after a break up

By bztara 25 Feb 2022

Dealing with a breakup is always hard and usually a lot more difficult than people think. This can be especially difficult if you’re dealing with a break-up whilst you're at uni. Whether you're in first year or final year, a breakup can sometimes seem like it's something that you’re never going to get over.

But you will, and you’ll be proud of yourself for doing so. 

There’s no right way to handle a breakup as every situation is different. But here’s some advice you might find helpful if you’re trying to pick yourself back up again: 

1. Let out your emotions 

Psychologists say that during a breakup you experience the same emotions that you would go through in bereavement. So let yourself grieve. Sadness, denial, guilt, are all normal feelings, so don't be angry at yourself for feeling this way.

Instead, give yourself an emotional outlet so you can process how you're feeling. Write down your thoughts, paint them, talk them through. Do whatever works for you to express how you're feeling and channel your emotions, just don't bottle them up

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2. Make a breakup playlist

Just as the first tip says,  you need to let yourself process your emotions, and music is a great way to do this. Listening to lyrics that describe exactly how you're feeling is a cathartic experience, so find comfort in your music. 

There are so many breakup songs out there to remind you that you're not the only one who has felt this way. 

The great thing about breakup playlists is that they can help you map out all the emotions you will go through, whether that's anger, sadness, or even relief. 

So when the time comes, and you're ready to turn down the Taylor Swift, there will be a new song out there to help guide you through the next stage of your breakup. 

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3. Work on yourself

Now is the time to start working on what matters most, you!

It's easy to get so invested in your relationship that you forget to make time for yourself and it happens all the time. But you might find that when this relationship comes to an end, you've lost yourself a little. 

So now's your chance to pick up that hobby you never go the chance to start, start that essay, or get yourself to the gym. Do something for you and you only. Because if this breakup is going to teach you anything, it's that you are your own person, and you come first. So take care of yourself. 

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4. Distance yourself from your ex

You've come so far, so don't backtrack now. Turn off your Snapchat memories, stop looking at old messages, and if you can avoid it, don't contact your ex. If you're going to get through this you need to distance yourself from your relationship as best you can. 

It sounds gross but think about your breakup like a scab. If you pick at it, you'll open the wound and it'll take longer to heal. You need to leave the scab (your ex) alone, and this way you'll be able to heal a lot quicker.

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5. Connect with your friends

One of the worst feelings when going through a breakup is feeling like you've lost a big part of your support network. People tend to think of their partner as the one person they can reach out to and confide in, and feeling like you've lost this person can be really upsetting.

But the truth is, this isn't usually the case.

Most people find that after a breakup they get so much closer to their friends, because now's the time where you learn to appreciate the people you have around you. Don't be embarrassed to lean on them for support because that's what friends are for. Vulnerability is proven to bring people closer, and you'll notice that opening up to your friends will help you build better and stronger connections.

a woman wearing sunglasses posing for the camera

So, if you want to message your ex, text your friend instead. If there's a new film you want to go see, ask your housemates. Whatever it is, make new memories with the people you have around you!

6. Learn from your experiences

At first, it's probably easier to block out your relationship altogether, and if this is the case then do it.

But, whether this is your first break-up or you've been through this a few times before, there's something to learn from everything we experience. So when you're ready, reflect on your past relationship. 

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This doesn't mean going back and overanalysing every detail! But take some time to think about what your experiences tell you about yourself. Relationships, and breakups, are great learning curves in life and it's these life experiences that make us who we are as a person. So take what you've been through and grow from it!

There's no right way to handle the things we go through in life. Everyone has different experiences, and everyone deals with emotions differently. 

The most important thing when it comes to a breakup is finding a balance between letting out your emotions whilst not letting yourself dwell on your past relationship too much.

Ultimately, time is the best healer, so don't put too much pressure on yourself to get over your breakup too quickly. 

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Relationships,

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